The 2017 Grammy Awards have come and gone, and it looks like a HUGE year for those of us who like to lord our snarky opinions over the innocent men and women who just want to entertain us with their music. Seriously, we suck. But then again, so do these red carpet looks - a few of which are destined for ALL TIME BADNESS.
Every week, we’ll share a 100% true story about our current Commander and Chief, drawn from our extensive archives of The Donald’s personal lives and business adventures. While you may have heard “this and that” about the topics featured in this recurring feature, it’s our goal provide the facts about what happened, hopefully share some new information with you and most importantly, to help paint a very honest picture of the man who now calls himself our leader.
Separated from his favorite toy for over five years,
Well, it's that time of year again - the month when the well-intentioned folks over at Lay's Potato Chips invite the public to heap scorn and ridicule on their proud American brand via the "Do Us a Flavor" create-your-own-chip-flavor competition. After pouring hours of lab tests (and making several threatening phone calls) last year, we still failed to create a winner. So this year, we're leaving nothing to chance as we have crafted 12 unique tastes - at least one of which is bound to please the oh-so-tender palettes of the esteemed judges. So check 'em out -- and if you've got delusions of grandeur and think you've got what it takes to steal the crown, head on over to the Lay's "Do Us a Flavor" site and whip something up yourself. Just don't expect to out-flavor us!
Now that gaming technology has been around for a while, there exists a certain nostalgia for the early days of the arcade genre of video games. As you'll see in these haunting images, the world around these games may be decaying, and the units themselves have seen better days, but there's still a certain magic to the arcade cabinets that takes us back to a time when happiness was defined by the number of quarters in our pocket.
All due respect to the genre's most creative composers and wordsmiths, but the theme songs of family sitcoms from this area follow a pretty basic template. To wit:
[You/Me/All of Us] have a lot of [Love to Share/Good Times and Bad Times]
but [Honey/Baby/Sweetie] we always seem to [find a way/make the time]
As we [keep dreaming/keep moving/never stop dreaming] together...
(repeat 3x. fade out]
There you go. I just wrote you you're very own zany family sitcom theme song! What's that you say? It doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with the plot of your show? Hey, it didn't stop the timeless tunes from "building their dream together" so why should it stop you.
Never stop dreaming...
On Friday, Michelle Obama reminded us all of why there will likely never be a First Lady of The United States quite like her again in terms of class and intelligence – and once again provided sobering thoughts on how stark the differences are between the White House’s outgoing tenants and the new folks moving in the week after next. The White House event paid tribute to the School Counselor of the Year, but almost everyone in attendance understood that the gathering had a special significance for Obama - as It was her final speech as First Lady.
In front of a star-studded audience that included Ted Allen, Kelly Rowland, Usher, Jim Harbaugh, Wale Andy Cohen and other luminaries from the worlds of entertainment, business, sports and education, Obama delivered a message of hope and provided some much-needed optimism at a time when many Americans are uncertain of what the future holds under new leadership.
To salute the outgoing first lady, we've selected some of our favorite quotes from the speech, along with a selection of Michelle at her most photogenic.
(Scroll on down to the bottom of the post to see the video of Michelle Obama's speech)
What is it about Age 27 that has claimed the lives of so many talented musicians while they are at the height of the popularity and creative powers? Oh right, it was the heroin. But no, not always! .Sometimes it was also alcohol. No, seriously! Check out the way-too-long list below and judge for yourself if there's something straight-up cursed about the 27th year of a rock-and-rollers life span - or whether these talented men and women just lived life too fast for their own good.
This just in from the What Were They Thinking Institute of Prodigiously Bad Marketing Ideas: The classic American pen brand Bic has decided, in a vanguard move being watched with excitement by advertising executives around the world, that instead of moving their product forward into the late-morning stages of the 21st Century, that they would instead throw users of non-pencils a curveball and instead send us back to the late 19th Century. Back before everything got complicated - what with fussy women speeding all over the place behind the wheel of their husband's car - driving erratically (they're pregnant again, after all) on their way down to "Ladies Day" at the Elks Club where they can vote for the actual President of the United States - instead of simply nodding and listening politely while their husband patiently explains how governments work and why "this family is a Woodrow Wilson family, and that's all there is to it!"
Your Mom calls it the tweeter (as in, "I see your sister Sarah is on The Tweeter...") while President Trump refers to it as his "late night press secretary" -- but we just call it home to some of the best comedy ever compacted and condensed down to 140 characters of less.
Today, we're talking about taking care of nature's business - a process that, surprisingly, has gone pretty much unchanged over the past few hundred years. However,. there are currently great minds hard at work developing the tools we humans need to make peeing and pooping a more convenient and less stressful experience. Innovators of the Loo - we salute you this day.
"Everybody up to the attic! We've got to find Daddy's old collection of Mattel Intelivision cartridges!" Yes, everything old is new again as the kids like to say (or at least they did back in the 1920's), which means those dusty old videogames from long defunct systems have actually become collector's items. Who knew? All we remember about those by-gone days is that games back then actually made you use (**swallows hard**) your imagination.
Well now you can imagine a world where you don't have to tell your kids that can't go to college because you invested the money in late edition Beanie Babies. Simply track down a couple of the uber-rare games from today's list and BOOM - your son or daughter is an incoming freshman at North Dakota State!
If you've spent any part of the past couple of years swiping one direction or another, it's likely you've experienced the phenomenon of Tinder Burnout (let's call it "TB" - wait, actually let's not). Tinder Burnout occurs when your belief that there's nobody else in your metropolitan area crazy enough to ever want to spend time with you leads to actions such as: ceasing to work out anymore, deleting the app from your phone, throwing said phone in the river and finally, investing in a solid selection of sweatpants from Target.
But we're here to tell you that it does NOT have to be this way! The man or woman of your dreams may only be a swipe or click away - but without the proper tools and knowledge, he/she might easily end up in the arms of some other human - one who doesn't possess your self-depriciating sense of humor and above average credit score.
Today, we're going to share these proven tips for Tinder success - and you have to do to thank us is just be happy -- and maybe name your first child after one of our editors. We can discuss that when the time comes....
Whether we admit or not, Facebook has had a huge impact on our lives. Whether it's affecting an election with only-mostly-true news stories, or making high school reunions more or less unnecessary, the biggest social media channel in the world has become one of the biggest players in the game. Hell, your grandma is probably on there right now - and she still has to call you when she needs to program her alarm clock.
But, like the "Lock Up Hilary Clinton" stories that call it home, Facebook has fallen victim to a number of rumors during it's meteoric rise to success -- rumors that we're here to say aren't at all true. There's plenty to like and dislike about the book-of-face, but these 10 debunked myths aren't among them.
Why pick on the lottery you may ask? After all, it's just a little harmless fun to help brighten up our despair-filled lives. You can't win it if you're not IN IT, after all. The reason is because the lottery is PURE CONCENTRATED EVIL – and today we’re going to tell you why you should never, ever buy another ticket again – be it Power Ball or Scratch-off.
It seemed somewhat fitting this week to take a look back at the mighty ship that was The Titanic. She was so big and so incredibly successful - capturing the imagination of people from all over the world - that nobody believed that anything could take her down. Then came the iceberg, which nobody predicted, but in retrospect everyone should have probably seen coming to break up the party.
Here then is a selection of incredibly rare photos of The Titanic, taken by the passengers and crew who walked, ate and danced amongst the ship's stately rooms and long flowing corridors.
Why is it that all the TRULY fun stuff in this world gets taken away from us because - boo hoo - it's a little bit on the dangerous side? OK, so maybe the toys in today's list took it to the extreme. But just because something is a huge choking hazard or is likely to scar you for life from age 5, doesn't mean it can't be a blast to play with, right?
Ah, the zoo. Times change, but you just can't beat a good old-fashioned trip to - holy sh*t what are those two polars doing?? Avert your eyes, children! Don't worry, we're going to church right after this.